Thursday, January 3, 2008

Project Runway, part the Sixth

Finally an episode I could get my teeth into (and emerge with ten new cavities)! Fabric, schmabric - anyone could make clothes from that. But candy, candy wrappers, and other sickeningly sweet confections like ginormous Kiss-shaped pillows - that's a Project Runway challenge!

But before the fun begins, Heidi trots herself out wearing a whoreish amount of make-up and announces that it's time to re-choose the models. Because the last challenge didn't involve them, there are two more models than designers. There were few personnel changes, however Rami jettisoned the small-forehead/big noggin'd Ashley and picked a different model. Now he can design pullovers and not worry about the neck getting stretched out!

The next morning, an infernally chipper Tim Gunn rouses the designers from their slumbers. The cameras follow them as they wander around their apartments in a daze, trying to brush their teeth while rubbing away their sleepy seeds. Quel embarrassment! Kit's not wearing her bra! Oh, honey, your A-cups don't scare anyone! Let's just be grateful that Sweet P (and Chris) seemed to have her puppies under control.

Once dressed and flossed (but, I assume, not showered) the gang then troops together to Times Square to the Hershey's store. "Hooray. We get to make shit out of candy" enthused Christian, so gung ho about the challenge, his hair was positively standing on end. Little did we realize how literal he was being.

The designers were then given five minutes to grab all of the Hershey tchotchkes they thought they would need for their designs. For the fun of it, the store manager should have called the police and reported a shoplifting. Hilarity would then have ensued as New York's Finest descended upon the rag-tag group of designers-cum-sherpas in drag, laden down with bags of candy, shiny pillows, and lots of silver lamé. Probably not such a strange sight in the Big Apple tho'.

Back at Parsons, the designers get to work dismembering stuffed animals and surreptitiously shoving chocolate into their faces while attempting not to get any fudgy fingerprints on their material. Despite having until midnight to finish, our favorite Shih Tzu, Christian, spends exactly 17.5 minutes on his design, declares himself fabulous, then proceeds to annoy everyone else in the room with his "helpful" suggestions. At one point, Kevin remarked that he would like to have our Pretty Little Pony "offed." Can't say that I blame him....

So let's take a look at the final products, shall we?

Christian: Pure laziness. I was disappointed in the Boy Wonder's unimaginative decision to pull the paper cups off of a couple hundred Reese's miniatures and glue them to a basic dress. It literally resembles a pile of dog crap, revealing Sister C. to be rather prescient with his earlier comment. She's even got a little turd glued to the side of her head.

And I don't even want to talk about the horrendous waste of perfectly good chocolate....

Victorya: This looks like a ruffly apron to me, maybe a formal version of the garment my grandmother wore over her dress everyday. Heidi called it "Dairy Queen." Perhaps she meant that in a State Fair kinda way, as the uniforms worn in our local DQ are quite a bit less frothy.

Chris: I don't like what it does to the model's body, making her torso seem like a big wide block, and the satin skirt seems unfinished to me. Otherwise, however, it's a very clever and somewhat subtle product to come from a costume designer.

Ricky: Finally an outfit cleverly designed to balance out the model's (Cher/Spock, I can't decide whom she resembles more) ears by making her ass stick out just as far. It's sorta cute, but really not wearable. Interesting shoes though.

Kit: A costume from the new Punk Rock musical review at Hersheypark.

Kevin: The only non-costume-y outfit in the bunch, Kevin created something tasteful and elegant, definitely wearable, even it does include a strapless lamé bustier. Not sure if that involved more or less creativity, but were I in his shoes, I would have taken the same path. It may have been a trick of the editing, but Zac Posen looked impressed when this came down the runway.

Jillian: I wasn't as worried as she was about the licorice falling off. Somehow I knew she'd handle it. She probably just channeled those youthful days spent gluing dry macaroni to paper plates.

I was amused by her comment that the outfit smelled good. About as good as artificially-flavored strawberry-colored plastic straws (aka Twizzlers) could smell. Considering all of the fetid fruity-floral fragrances flooding department store perfume counters these days, someone might want to alert Juicy Couture/Gwen Stefani/SJP/Vera Wang/Britney/Paris of this new scent waiting to be manufactured and pushed on the youth of today.

Sweet P: Tim Gunn aptly remarked that the skirt reminded him of a coffee filter or a maxi pad. Sweet P may have something there - a skirt for those starlets who prefer to go commando, even at certain times of the month.

I thought this was going to get her canned. Actually, if she had gone ahead with her first design, she may well have been auf'd this week.

Rami: I thought this dress was completely darling and deserved the win. The look reminds me of Gwen Stefani - it's probably a combination of the model's hairdo and a vague harajuku quality overall. Wonder what it smelled like?

Elisa should have put one of those aluminum foil-looking thingies on her head to muffle out the sounds of the alien voices that were telling her to create this lopsided mess. This Teutonic tragedy (Elisa kept mentioning Hansel and Gretel) had a bit of a run-in with Lost in Space and that cost her the competition. Auf wiedersehen, Elisa. You were interesting and will be missed.


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